Friday, June 11, 2010

Nerd/Geek/Dork Cred

I'm still not sure where I fit on the nerd/geek/dork continuum. I took this test and discovered that I'm 61% Nerd, 48% Geek, and 57% Dork. That adds up to more than 100% so that's probably pretty nerdy of me to point out. Or maybe it's geeky?

In terms of geekiness, there's this flow chart of the Geek Hierarchy, and if we were to stipulate this as being true then I'd be at the very top...or at least I will be next April. However, methinks there is much more to being a geek than simple fiction/entertainment preferences.

There are role-playing games, for example, like the classic Dungeons and Dragons, or Warhammer. There's some argument out there that D & D is like a "gateway drug" that leads to all sorts of nerdy-geeky-dorkdom, but bah, there can't be anything to that, can there?

Well, if it's true, I'm doomed. Or blessed, depending on your point of view. At least partially. I never played D & D, but I got into Warhammer last year with a friend of mine. The rules are slightly different, but yeah, it's a bunch of nerdy dudes with pizza and beer and many-sided dice talking about what their fantasy characters are going to do. Here's a sample of what our game play sounded like:

"I'm gonna slide up behind that demon minotaur and take a whack at his low-hanging balls with my axe, bitches." Except you have to salt that with about four F-bombs and punctuate it with a belch or a fart, then roll the dice and figure out whether the minotaur got to keep his nuts or not. Good times, good times.

 We had a paladin/priest dude, a ranger/scout dude, a messenger sort of gal who had a crossbow, and then there was my character: Oläf Umlaut, Dwarf Runesmith! Oläf was the best dude of the bunch, no doubt about it. He brained an undead five-year-old girl once with his hammer and saved the group from becoming zombie snackage, though the group didn't realize when he did it that she was freakin' colder than Hecate's frosty gazongas. As a result, they all thought he'd killed an innocent little girl and got insanity points. I thought Oläf was so awesome that night; when you can simultaneously save the group and turn them insane, you are a bona fide badass.

Oh, and we didn't play with little Lord of the Rings action figures, either. We had custom figures made from cannibalized Warhammer figures and painted up all nice n' special by my very talented friend (and game master) Alan! You want to meet Oläf? I know you do. Here he is, in all his miniature glory:

Check out that braided beard! And the war hammer slung on his left side! In his right hand he's carrying some blacksmith tongs, because that's his skill, and in his left hand he's got a freakin' stein of ale, because drinking is his other skill! Here's another shot of Oläf from another angle:

For Alan, painting Oläf was easy-peasy nice n' cheesy. He's seriously talented at model painting and Warhammer nerds fork over lots of cheddar to have him paint their pieces. He's won awards at conventions and shit. Check out this gallery to see what he's capable of producing.

But alas! Our merry band of nerds/geeks/dorks had to disband because of heinous flakery. We'd only play once a month, but some of the guys couldn't seem to make it regularly and it fizzled. I'd like to play again sometime, but in the meantime Oläf is retired and enjoying all the frothy ale he can drink. In any case, my Nerd Cred has now been firmly established.


  1. What happens when a D&D gamer turns into a War gamer? I'd love to tease the guilty one.

    Thanks for the chuckle. I forgot I'd ever played D&D (with my kids).

  2. 70% Nerd, 48% Geek, 48% Dork. Just for the record :-).

    And the number of f-bombs varies proportionally with the size of the monster you are attacking.

    I think that comment boosts my Geek number up 10 points.

  3. I'm always sad that the world has generally moved on from the big D&D craze (I always preferred MERP myself). That's partly why I wrote my book!